500 Days of Winning, here are 2 lists of President Trump’s accomplishments

You won’t find the media telling you any good news about President Trump (or America), so the White House put out their own list of the Trump administration’s major accomplishments. Since CNN is currently camped outside a strip club in Biloxi, Mississippi waiting for Stormy Daniels to weigh in on Trump’s impending impeachment, and Pravda On The Hudson is digging through Robert Mueller’s trash in the hopes of finding a smoking memo, I’ll help you guys out and summarize the list.

First up, massive tax cuts! What’s not to like about that? (Nancy Pelosi, please don’t answer.)

Then we see zillions of federal regulations are being slashed! The Trump Doctrine: They’re from the government and they’re here to leave you alone.

President Trump is well on the way to rebuilding our military, including new aircraft carriers and increased missile defense.

President Trump is taking care of our veterans, installing Real Accountability at the heretofore dysfunctional VA. Is it perfect yet? Nope. But there’s a path, and a plan, and for the first time in a very long time, hope.

On his signature issue — enforcing immigration laws — President Trump is delivering the goods. The DoJ is cracking down on sanctuary cities, prototypes of The Wall are going up on our southern border, deportations are up and illegal entries are down. And MS13 is feeling the heat with law enforcement cracking down on them daily.

The federal judiciary is rapidly reshaping into a bastion of constitutional conservativism, not just at SCOTUS with Neil Gorsuch but at the Appellate and District levels too. I gotta let Mitch McConnell share some of the credit for this, he took Harry Reid’s nuking of Senate precedent and ran with it. Judicial confirmations in Trump’s first year exceeded that of any other president ever.

Is the economy booming, or what? Unemployment is at an all-time low. Consumer confidence is at a 17 year high, and workers are taking home more money in their paychecks.

And last, but not least, the EPA put out their own list of achievements, highlighting their role in making America great again. We’re out of the ridiculous Paris Climate Accords. The inaptly named Obama-era “Clean Power Plan” is gone, and the puddles in your driveway are no longer regulated as “Waters of the United States.” Fracking is booming and the US is now a net exporter of oil and natural gas. Left-wing zealots are no longer setting environmental policy and there are no more “sue and settle” slush funds greasing their sleazy palms. The Keystone XL pipeline is humming, unattainable auto mpg standards are rolled back, and scientists set policy instead of “activists.”

All in all it’s been an excellent start for President Trump. And no, I’m still not tired of winning.

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Move over MREs, make room for PREs: Pizza Ready To Eat

Yes it’s really pizza, with a shelf life of 3 years, and it’s coming to a battlefield near you.

They call it the holy grail of ready-to-eat meals for soldiers: a pizza that can stay on the shelf for up to three years and still remain good to eat.

Soldiers have been asking for pizza since lightweight individual field rations — known as meals ready to eat, or MREs — replaced canned food in 1981 for soldiers in combat zones or areas where field kitchens cannot be set up.

Researchers at a U.S. military lab in Massachusetts are closing in on a recipe that doesn’t require any refrigeration or freezing.

“You can basically take the pizza, leave it on the counter, packaged, for three years and it’d still be edible,” said Michelle Richardson, a food scientist at the U.S. Army Natick Soldier Research, Development and Engineering Center.

Ah, but how does it taste?

Most soldiers haven’t tried it because it’s still being developed, but Jill Bates, who runs the lab, said she was happy after tasting the latest prototype batch of pepperoni. She describes it as a pan pizza, with a crust that’s a little moist and not super-crispy.

“It pretty much tastes just like a typical pan pizza that you would make at home and take out of the oven or the toaster oven,” she said. “The only thing missing from that experience would be it’s not hot when you eat it. It’s room temperature.”

The lab brings in food technologists to taste recipes and give feedback.

One of the technologists, Dan Nattress, agreed the pizza deserves a thumbs-up.

“It tastes pretty much what you would get from a pizza parlor,” he said.

Is this a great country or what?

Pentagon spending millions to protect gophers from enemy threats

Forget missile defense systems.

Pay no attention to any of those terrorism alerts.

The Real Mission of the U.S. military is … gopher protection!

A total of 650,000 civilian employees are now being furloughed at U.S. military bases in response to sequester cuts — but the Department of Defense is still spending millions to protect fuzzy critters.

Joint Base Lewis-McChord (JBLM) in Washington state just received a $3.5 million department grant to purchase land around the base in an effort to protect the Mazama pocket gopher, a species that has not even been listed as endangered or threatened.

Under REPI (Readiness and Environmental Protection Initiative), the Department of Defense and other federal agencies have spent $397 million to protect 264,000 acres around bases since 2003.

In addition to the $12 million in federal and state funding to buy 2,600 acres around JBLM, the Department of Defense also issued a $1.75 million REPI grant to Eglin Air Force Base in Florida to protect tortoise habitat.

Call it the Department of Gopher-land Security.

Judge Smails was unavailable for comment.