Rachel Maddow’s viewer has stopped tuning in

MSNBC’s ratings are circling the drain. Heh. It couldn’t happen to a nicer bunch of DNC flacks.

How bad are Maddow’s ratings? She finished behind Piers Morgan. And 999,999 out of 1,000,000 people couldn’t pick him out of a lineup.

Meanwhile, who’s #1 in cable news? Again? Yup. Fox. Which warms the cockles of my heart.

Only in NJ: Go to prison, collect unemployment and food stamps

Waste, fraud, and abuse in entitlement programs? Nah, just business as usual!

At least 20,000 inmates locked up in New Jersey’s prisons and jails were improperly paid nearly $24 million in benefits from state and federal programs over a two-year period, an audit by the state comptroller’s office has found.

More than $10 million in unemployment benefits were paid to more than 7,600 inmates, according to the findings, which were released this morning. In one case, the audit found that an inmate collected unemployment payments for a year — totaling about $39,000 — while incarcerated for a drug offense.

The audit examined benefits paid to inmates during the 22 months that ended in April 2011. Most of the benefits came from the unemployment insurance program and Medicaid, which paid out $7.1 million to inmates, the audit found.

In addition, the federal-funded Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program paid out more than $4.2 million in potentially improper benefits and Work First New Jersey paid $1.2 million, the audit found.

Crime pays!

IRS agents are now on their way to this bait shop

From the Star-Ledger’s “live blog” coverage of Dear Leader’s trip to the Jersey shore today, I saw this tidbit.

Before the motorcade crossed the bridge into Point Pleasant Beach a man outside a bait and tackle shop had a sign that said Obama with the name crossed out. He gave the motorcade the middle finger as it passed.

And I thought, this guy just bought himself a proctology exam courtesy of the IRS…

Obamacare covers everything! Even turtle bites while your water skis are on fire!

Are you one of the millions of Americans who’ve suffered in silence after being pecked by a macaw?

Then Obamacare is for you!

Physicians currently have about 18,000 medical diagnostic codes to choose from to help them inform insurers of their patients’ ailments. However, as [Sen. Rand] Paul (himself a physician) notes, Obamacare includes a mandate for 140,000 of those codes — and some of them sound downright ridiculous.

“Included among these codes,” the senator continued, “will be 312 new codes for injuries from animals; 72 new codes for injuries just from birds; 9 new codes for ‘injuries from the macaw.”‘

“The macaw?” he asked. “I’ve asked physicians all over the country, ‘Have you ever seen an injury from a macaw?”‘

What about turtle bites? You’re in luck, Obamacare’s got you covered. And if that turtle merely sideswiped your leg? Rest assured your pain and suffering will be alleviated.

He continued, adding that he had found “two new injury codes under Obamacare for ‘injuries sustained from a turtle.”‘

“Now, you might say, ‘Well, turtles are dangerous’ — but why do you have to have two codes?” he asked.  “Your doctor has to inform the government whether you’ve been struck by a turtle or bitten by a turtle.”

And just because Barack Obama deeply cares about you, should that turtle bite you while your water skis are on fire, you’re completely covered!

He added:  “There is a new code for … walking into a lamppost. There’s also a code for ‘walking into a lamppost, subsequent encounter.’”

“I guess that’s if you don’t learn,” he added. “[T]here is [also] a code … for ‘injuries sustained from burning water skis.”‘

Ah, so that’s how your water skis caught fire; you walked into a lamppost! Twice!

Who dreams up this stuff?

Yet another reason that sending your kids to the government school is tantamount to child abuse

Unless, for some inexplicable reason, mandatory cross-dressing is how your family rolls.

MILWAUKEE – Deidri Hernandez’s seven-year-old son won’t be in school today, after officials at Tippecanoe School for the Arts and Humanities confirmed they’re still holding “Switch It Up Day” – a time for students to come dressed as members of the opposite sex.

Hernandez tells EAGnews the day was originally billed as “Gender Bender Day,” but Tippecanoe officials made the name change after she called Principal Jeffrey Krupar to complain.

The school defends their policy, which they say is to “promote tolerance.”

How about promoting math? Because when I went to school we had to learn stuff like reading, writing, and arithmetic. Cross-dressing? Not so much.

TMI: Hillary Clinton is bisexual?

But of course she is. Because that’s where the votes are.

Hillary Clinton has decided to TELL ALL in a blockbuster $25 million memoir – so there will be NO secrets left to uncover when she runs for president in 2016!

Insiders say the biggest bombshell Hillary will drop is the flagrant lie she’s been telling for decades about the true nature of her sexuality.

“Bill and Hillary are the consummate politi­cians, and they realize the LGBT community is a huge voting bloc,” said a family insider.

“They want lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgender people behind Hillary in the 2016 campaign. So Hillary’s going to come clean for the votes. She’ll admit that she’s bisexual and has had lesbian relationships.”

Let me guess. Her lesbian lover was … Monica Lewinski!